Sunday, September 11, 2011

The Two Way Road to Recovery

The past two weeks have been an opportunity to learn more about the process of recovery.  I don't have a stack of books yet, but I am getting experience first hand. 

Ross had a setback last weekend that helped me remember there are triggers to behavior.  It had been a three day weekend, and Friday night Ross and I had taken a great walk on the beach down to the pier, with Macky.  It was a warm night and we talked and laughed. 


Then Saturday, things changed.  Ross went early for his treatment like he does on the weekend, then returned and he seemed stressed out.  He said somethng about having to be tested. I figured that was enough to get anybody stressed.  But then he didn't come straight back to my house after he left to go get tested.  I texted him and he told me he'd stopped by a friend's house.  I could have said this was not acceptable.  But something inside of me wanted to let Ross trust Ross.  This could have been the start of the whole setback.  Sensing his stress, I could have been more firm.

Consequently, Saturday ran into Sunday morning, and Ross left again.  He texted again saying he was going to barbeque with friends.  I could have said to come back, but wanting again for him to experience something fun while in recovery, I told myself this was alright.  He was communicating with me.  That's what mattered.

Yet by Monday he was a mess, he was hard to understand when he spoke.  He was acting odd.  He went for his treatment but when he returned he looked beyond exhausted, as if he hadn't slept for days.  I was worried but if he looked so tired, wouldn't he crash and sleep?

I should have been sure he had calmed down, as I left to go shopping with my mom.  Since when I returned  in the afternoon, Ross was gone.  No note, no text, gone.  A few hours later our neighbors said they saw Ross's car down the street.  I went to it and discovered by somebody else he'd been taken to the hospital, passed out on the steering wheel with the engine running.

Panicked I called everyone I could to find out anything.  Finally Colleen, Ross's sister found out Ross had been taken from the hospital to the county jail.  Charged with DUI, I couldn't even pick him up Monday night.  He was too out of it.  Tuesday morning he was picked up and brought back here.  He looked terrible, but he was safe.  He would recover.  I would recover.

It wasn't until Wednesday that I could say anything to him.  Mostly that it was alright, he had survived, hadn't hurt anyone.  I told him it was my fault too, that I could have taken his keys, sat on him so he didn't go anywhere.  I also said I wished he could sleep for the next 90 days! Which produced a slight laugh from him.  A good sign.

You see, mistakes are made by everyone, and we want the best for those we love.  But when a person as young as Ross is faced with stressors and triggers the best thing anybody can do is to recognize the behavior and get through it.  Not be stopped by a stressor or a trigger.  Not by saying what should be done or could be done, or ask questions as to why. 

The help that seems best is the one that uses awareness as a means of caring, then acting on the awareness by helping a person get through an observed tough time.

In all time we move through it.  How?  It's not always easy.  Sometimes we will need help.  How?
Carefully.  With care, we give ourselves.  With care we accept from others.

This two way road to recovery is an interesting trip!  I'm not a psychiatrist, or scholar on bi polar or manic depression or drug addiction, but my heart is open and there is so much I am learning.  I'm grateful for Ross.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

The First Ten Days


Hi, this is S.A., the cat, reporting from the big black chair in Ross's room. Ross might be here to help and be helped, but from where I sit, he's also here to keep me company.



Ross and his Uncle Scott have been through the first part of Ross's recovery with great care and understanding. They have trust running through their veins. It shows in their confidence when they're around each other. And it's inspiring to witness. Uncle Scott is also Ross's sponsor.




And this is Macky, who tells it like this: Yah, Ross, he tells me I'm a good dog, and I believe him, since I can tell by his tone he means what he says. He worked hard putting in the floor that my head's resting on. There were many pieces of vinyl tile to puzzle and cut and put together. The whole thing just made me hungry for a cheeseburger.





Now wait just a second! Nobody said there'd be days like this...eating corned beef and cabbage in August? Nate and Ross have been friends all their lives. Nate lives in Oakland, where he's a musician and you may find him dressed up or dressed in threads playing in numerous bands. Now, only passing through for a meal with the folks, catching up with Ross, sensing nirvana with every step on the new vinyl tile floor. Thanks, Ross! You did a great job!


Well, this is just a brief window into the first ten days of the White Owl Recon. For Ross, there are everyday schedules to keep for treatment, classes to attend, doctors to see, there is work to be done, and even some fun to be had, with a lot of rest to go with it all.

Recovery is a process. And that process we're calling Recon. As a start, it means Reconsidering and Reconnecting....