The Two Way Road to Recovery

The past two weeks have been an opportunity to learn more about the process of recovery.  I don't have a stack of books yet, but I am getting experience first hand. 

Ross had a setback last weekend that helped me remember there are triggers to behavior.  It had been a three day weekend, and Friday night Ross and I had taken a great walk on the beach down to the pier, with Macky.  It was a warm night and we talked and laughed. 

Then Saturday, things changed.  Ross went early for his treatment like he does on the weekend, then returned and he seemed stressed out.  He said somethng about having to be tested. I figured that was enough to get anybody stressed.  But then he didn't come straight back to my house after he left to go get tested.  I texted him and he told me he'd stopped by a friend's house.  I could have said this was not acceptable.  But something inside of me wanted to let Ross trust Ross.  This could have been the start of the whole setback.  Sensing his stress, I could have been more firm.

Consequently, Saturday ran into Sunday morning, and Ross left again.  He texted again saying he was going to barbeque with friends.  I could have said to come back, but wanting again for him to experience something fun while in recovery, I told myself this was alright.  He was communicating with me.  That's what mattered.

Yet by Monday he was a mess, he was hard to understand when he spoke.  He was acting odd.  He went for his treatment but when he returned he looked beyond exhausted, as if he hadn't slept for days.  I was worried but if he looked so tired, wouldn't he crash and sleep?

I should have been sure he had calmed down, as I left to go shopping with my mom.  Since when I returned  in the afternoon, Ross was gone.  No note, no text, gone.  A few hours later our neighbors said they saw Ross's car down the street.  I went to it and discovered by somebody else he'd been taken to the hospital, passed out on the steering wheel with the engine running.

Panicked I called everyone I could to find out anything.  Finally Colleen, Ross's sister found out Ross had been taken from the hospital to the county jail.  Charged with DUI, I couldn't even pick him up Monday night.  He was too out of it.  Tuesday morning he was picked up and brought back here.  He looked terrible, but he was safe.  He would recover.  I would recover.

It wasn't until Wednesday that I could say anything to him.  Mostly that it was alright, he had survived, hadn't hurt anyone.  I told him it was my fault too, that I could have taken his keys, sat on him so he didn't go anywhere.  I also said I wished he could sleep for the next 90 days! Which produced a slight laugh from him.  A good sign.

You see, mistakes are made by everyone, and we want the best for those we love.  But when a person as young as Ross is faced with stressors and triggers the best thing anybody can do is to recognize the behavior and get through it.  Not be stopped by a stressor or a trigger.  Not by saying what should be done or could be done, or ask questions as to why. 

The help that seems best is the one that uses awareness as a means of caring, then acting on the awareness by helping a person get through an observed tough time.

In all time we move through it.  How?  It's not always easy.  Sometimes we will need help.  How?
Carefully.  With care, we give ourselves.  With care we accept from others.

This two way road to recovery is an interesting trip!  I'm not a psychiatrist, or scholar on bi polar or manic depression or drug addiction, but my heart is open and there is so much I am learning.  I'm grateful for Ross.